I am a terrible driver. When I was 18 I failed the test three times for putting my foot down through red lights, driving straight over roundabouts and crashing into wing mirrors, whilst fighting the urge to scratch my own skin off. However, Ozzy Osbourne's diary for The Spectator this morning is infinitely more amusing than any of that:
"I'm a much better driver than I used to be - mainly 'cos I ain't on a lethal combination of mind-altering drugs 24 hours a day any more. I remember on one occasion in the 1970s,l around the time my old band Black Sabbath was just taking off, I tried to calm my nerves before taking one of my many [- 19] driving tests by taking a fistful of sedatives then smoking my way through half a brick of Afghan hash. It relaxd me, all right: when I stopped at the first red light, I nodded off. By the time I finally woke up, a little red-faced bloke from the DVLA was whacking me over the head with his clipboard and shouting, 'FAIL!'"
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